Hospice, dreams come true, and the irony of it all...

Yesterday, I entered the hospice chapter of the journey with my dad.  Not necessarily because he is ready for it but because the hospital is having trouble placing him in a nursing home without it.  Medicare and Medical have ridiculous rules and have made my life a living hell with all of their bureaucracy.  I've signed the consent forms before but we've never ended up using hospice because my dad has rallied.

(For those of you who don't know what hospice is it's type of care and philosophy of care that focuses on the palliation of a chronically ill, terminally ill or seriously ill patient's pain and symptoms, and attending to their emotional and spiritual needs)

Right after the hospice social worker got there my son called, he and his friend decided late Friday night to go to Mammoth for a snow boarding adventure.  Christian wanted to know where to go to rent equipment so I asked my dad.  His reply was "tell him to go to Footloose and ask for Tony, he's part owner and an old friend, tell him you're my grandson and he may be able to hook you up, or to to Kittredge's and ask for Bob, tell him you're my grandson and he'll take care of you."  Moments like these are encouraging but heartbreaking at the same time because mentally my dad is sharp and clear but his body is failing him.

I started taking my kids to Mammoth several years ago during the summer, the first trip they were pretty bored, they couldn't deal with the quiet of the mountains.  So the first trip was sort of a bust except for canoeing on Lake Mary and a visit to Whitmore pool.  Then four years ago we went again (minus Jade, our oldest daughter) for my Uncle Pat's memorial celebration.  This time Christian fell in love with Mammoth and has really wanted to go during the winter.  Well, this weekend he's there and staying with my dad's cousin.  He even got offered a seasonal job at the mountain yesterday! He posted a picture on Instgram saying "a dream come true, I think I just found where I want to spend the rest of my life."

 
The irony of all this is that Mammoth will be my dad's final resting place.  We lived there when I was a kid, after my parents divorced.  After I went to live with my mom, my dad stayed and I spent most of my summers, long weekends, and spring breaks there until he moved to Las Vegas when I was in high school.  The standing joke with my dad for years was him saying that when he couldn't ski anymore, strap him to a pair of skis and push him off the top of the mountain.  I can't tell you how many times we've looked into buying a place either in Mammoth or Bishop so my dad could live the rest of his days there.

There's something magical about living in Mammoth and it seems to be in the DNA of the men in my family.  My dad and one of his younger brothers, Pat lived there for years.  My other uncle had a second home there for a while and my dad's cousin has lived there for 35+ years.  And now my son is wanting to live there for the rest of the winter at least.
Irony.

 

Things I learned from my dad...

A couple of days ago was my dad's birthday and since then I've been thinking about what I learned from him.   

Because of my dad I have an eclectic taste in music, I have everything from Eminem to Carrie Underwood on my iPod.  As a kid we drove thousands of miles up and down highway 395 always listening to something.  I remember singing along to John Denver, Linda Ronstadt, Carly Simon, Elton John, Supertramp, Barbra Streisand and Pink Floyd.

I think I learned to see beauty in everything from my dad.  He is an amazing photographer and had his own shop/studio when we lived in Mammoth.  He took pictures of ski races for both Mammoth and June mountain, did portraits and weddings and lots of landscapes.  I can't tell you how many times he'd see something forming in the sky and yell to grab the cameras because we were heading to shoot the sunset.  I have fond memories of watching the film develop in the darkroom.

I think the most important thing I learned from my dad was to think for myself.  Growing up with two households for any kid is at the very least difficult, but when the two households are extremely different it's even more-so.  My dad's philosophy was question everything, don't take my word for it, make your own mistakes  (which I did and plenty of them!).  One of his favorite sayings is "everyone has a constitutional right to be stupid".  We often disagree on things but hey, we agree to disagree.  

I love my dad and hope he had a great time celebrating his birthday!

Until next time, Ciao.

Settling In

I write this today sitting in Mammoth Lakes, CA. It's so beautiful in this part of the state! See for yourself at http://www.mammothweb.com/index.cfm I really needed this for my soul, unfortunately I haven't been able to unplug as much as I had hoped, there's been lots to do for my uncle's memorial service this evening. I have been out for a walk and a run and today we're going to the top of the ski area

It's been a week since I moved Jade into her dorm at LMU, moving day I was a disaster, on more levels that one. Day 2 was better, they had welcome stuff for the parents and a wonderful Mass at 5:00 pm. I really love the Jesuits, if I could find a church like that near me, I think I'd go quite often. It was an emotional service, I felt really settled and very good about where she's at. I miss her like crazy but I'm adjusting to a new normal. Thank God for technology! Texting, cell calls and FB chat are keeping us connected!

Something I realized is that we went from having 3 kids at home to two, there was a time when we only had 2. Then, when Christian goes to college, we'll only have 1 at home and there was a time when we only had one....what a strange paradox. Then it will be just the two of us...like before kids. I guess that's when we've really worked ourselves out of a job.

I'm heading out for a walk, to just enjoy the majesty of the mountains. I'm finding beauty, I hope you are too.

Ciao