First, let me start off by saying this is not meant to offend anyone. I got this in an email yesterday and thought it was hilarious, so please take this as it's meant...just to be funny =)
How Many Christians Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb?
=========================================================
Charismatic: Only one. Hands are already in the air.
Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray
against the spirit of darkness.
Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined
times.
Roman Catholics: None. Candles only.
Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb and three
committees to approve the change and decide who brings the
potato salad.
Episcopalians: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix
the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old one
was.
Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to
tell him how to do it.
Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of
or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own
journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is
fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance
about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we
will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including
incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all
of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.
Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull,
or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb,
turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. A church-wide lighting service is
planned for Sunday. Bring a bulb of your choice and a covered
dish.
Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men
review church lighting policy.
Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.
Amish: What's a light bulb?
This is so funny! I always thought these warnings were ridiculous until a few weeks ago when my husband came home from work with a burn mark on his chest. I asked him what happened and he said he was trying to steam iron his shirt, while he was wearing it! So this is for him and all the other people out there that might need this....
Some actual product warning labels:
On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink -
AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. (duh!)
On a New Zealand insect spray -
THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.
In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM
UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
(Make sense...except these instructions we're IN THE BOX!)
In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles -
OPEN OTHER END.
On a Sears hairdryer -
DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.
( Now THAT I'd like to see! )
On a bag of Fritos -
YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE.
(The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap -
DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
(And that would be how?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on BOTTOM of the box)
* DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
(oops...Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On a Korean kitchen knife -
WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
(As opposed to what...use in outer space?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts -
INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.
(I'm sure glad they cleared that up.)
On a Swedish chainsaw -
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
(What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)
On a child's superman costume -
WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)
