Tuesday, January 20, 2015

First loves, dignity, and feeling like your head is under water...

It's said that every girls first love is their dad.  For me that's 100% true.  My dad has been the one person that believed in me unconditionally.  He always told me I could do anything and that I could change the world.  (I haven't changed the world yet, but I'm sure one of my kids will).

Even though this song is written about a significant other I can relate it to my dad.... like the song I was his muse and we're each others end and beginning.


We disagreed on most things including politics and religion.  The greatest thing about my dad is that he taught me to think for myself.  That's not popular in parenting because most people want to raise clones of themselves....not Jim and not me.  One of my greatest accomplishments is that I've taught my kids to think for themselves, my dad's legacy will live on :)

Jim, wrote an Astrology column, weekly, literally until the end.  He was writing his column when the stroke happened.  When I first got to Las Vegas we had every hope of a full recovery.  I stayed for 5 days but 30 minutes after I got home the hospital called and he'd had another stroke, this one at the brain stem.  Most days he's lucid and oriented, other's not so much.  I moved him to Corona in June so we could be closer....going back and forth to Vegas was difficult and expensive.  Unfortunately, he's been in the hospital or a nursing home since April 28th... 

There isn't a day that goes by that he doesn't ask if he can go home with me.  At this point there is no way because Medicare/Medical won't cover someone from hospice being here 24/7.  So, I created a fund-raising site hoping I can raise enough funds to bring my dad home.  I think he deserves the dignity of being home and letting go of this life the way he wants to...as heart-breaking as that is for me.